Troubleshooting
by Scooperchan
Summary: Orochimaru is not one with computers, so what will he do if there's ever a problem?


A/N: Okay, the characters are more than likely OOC, but I couldn't resist writing this fic, although I should be updating other things rather than waste my time on crack fics ... Also, I'm not sure if anyone's written one of these before, so if there's a fic out there that is similar, gomen to the author. I don't have the blessings of spell check, or other such things, so if anything is wrong, sorry.

Anywho, on with the story!

* * *

Colours adorned the setting sun as beryl and lavender faded clouds stretched out like fingers from the fiery sphere. A light wind was blowing through crisp fall leaves and the world seemed to be settling down for the approaching nightfall. 

... Well, save for the faint shout of profanities echoing from a small open window.

Through said window, a powerful, S-class, ninja, one nortorious for _supposedly_ being pedophiliac, could be seen, and heard, berating something with every vibriant word he could remember. Curious as to what could cause such a commotion from the seemingly patient man, an older teenager walked into the doorway, adjusting his glasses to make sure he wasn't seeing things again.

He seemed to have walked in on the annoyed man beating the offending object with what looked to be a computer mouse.

"Pardon me, Orochimaru-sama," the boy interupted, "but may I ask as to what you are doing?"

The serpintine man turned to face his subordinate, "I've been trying for the last three damn hours to fix this ... thing!"

"The monitor, sir?"

"Yes! I don't get what the use of this new technology is if it's outcomes are less than half of it's troubles." He turned to the monitor once more, still hell-bent on beating it to death. "Do you hear that? Your not worth your weight in salt you son of a bi-"

"Uh, Orochimaru-sama," the boy quickly cut him off, "...what's wrong with the monitor?"

The man sighed, appearing to calm down a little, "Well, I was in the display properties when I clicked on something. The screen went blank and now it won't work."

Raising an eyebrow, the boy walked past the angered man and to the computer monitor sitting on a wooden desk. Hitting a series of buttons, a small, red, green, blue, and white box apread on the screen. Reading it, he smiled.

"Well Kabuto-kun...?"

"You've just set the pixil frequency too high, that's all," Kabuto replied, giving a slight chuckle at the simplicity of the problem. "If you wish to fix it, you could find another monitor that works at that level, use that to lower the frequency back to normal, then put your original monitor back and it should be fine."

"Brilliant, except we only have one computer, and one monitor."

"You could try calling in for computer support from the company you bought the device from."

The darkening sky outside rapidly grew darker as ominous clouds began to gather, a colder wind blowing into the open window.

"... although I wouldn't suggest using a phone with a thunder storm coming this way," the prodigy nin added in as his superior picked up the phone.

"I think it'll be fine"

A sudden burst of white flashed throuth the room, a roar of thunder only seconds behind.

"Sir, I really don't think it's wise too-"

"Kabuto-san, I think I know the dangers."

Another clash of lighting sparked through the now greenish-gray horizon. Thunder rolled over the compound again, so loud it seemed to vibrate the walls.

"Sir.."

"Yakushi-san," Orochimaru said with a dangerous tone, " you are dismissed."

'Alright' Kabuto thought to himself, turning and exiting the room, 'not my fault your ass gets electricuted'

Satisfied with the departure of his young spy, Orochimaru tried the phone number again, drumming his wan fingers on the desk as the phone line starting ringing,

_...and_ ringing

_**...and** ringing_

_**...and ringing**_

...and continued still until the phone was slammed back into it's receiver.

With a muttered curse, it was picked back up again, the redial button hit with impatiance. And so, yet again, the sannin waited as it rang, until this time, a voice came over the phone.

"Hello, for help and information in English, please press one ... "

A 'beep' was heard as the number was pressed.

"... Salve, tam - beep- ... ... Chow, -BEEP- ... ... Nihao, -BEEP BEEP BEEP- "

The pale man repeatedly hit the button, a bit irratated. Finally, the automated voice continued in English.

"Thank you for using our Help and Support Line .. Please select your troubleshooting in one of the following options .. For problems with Internet Access, please press one ... For problems involving your Keyboard or Mouse, please press two ... "

Orochimaru idly looked over at the dented mouse, still slightly smoking from it's abuse earlier. 'It can wait', the man thought, his mind set on the monitor.

" ... For problems involving your Display, please press three .. -beep- .. Thank you for your time, an employee will be connected with you shortly for further assisstence. Please hold "

The sannin glanced out the window, listening to what sounded like elevater music. Sheets of rain literally poured down the window, most splashing onto the window sill. As another blot of lighting ripped through the sky, he casually reached over and shut the window, cutting off the circulation of cold air. Finally, the music stopped, and he stood up straighter, expecting a normal voice.

"Helloh?"

Knitting his eyebrows, the pale man replied, "Ah, yes, I called because I have trouble with my monitor."

"Waht seems tah be tha problem?"

Vexated by the annoying accent, Orochimaru tried to sound .. decent, to the worker.

"My screen is blank"

"Have yah tried turning it on sir?"

"Yes."

" Is tah screen savah on?"

"No." His voice took a slightly rigid tone.

"Is tah moniter cable connected to tah pea see?

"Yes"

"Is yah pea see in stand by mode?"

"No."

"Is yah-"

Having enough with the idiot on the other line, Orochimaru started yelling,

"No! Everything about my 'pea see' is perfecting fine! I know what 'tah problem' is! Will you just listen and stop asking such idiotic questions so I can fix my computer and you can go back to twidling your damn thumbs or whatever the hell you redneck people do!"

"... There's no need tah git upset sir"

His eye twitching, the serpintine man took a deep breath to stay calm.

"Can I just talk to your manager?"

"Shure thing sir, hold please"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, listening to the bland music again. Another roar of thunder brought him out of his thoughts and he glanced out the window, watching the trees blowing through the rain on the glass.

"-click- ... Hello?"

Relieved, Orochimaru hauled his attention back to the phone. 'Better not be another hillbilly...'

"Hello, I'm having trouble with my monitor, and I hoped you could help."

"What's the problem?"

'Good, no funny accent' "It seems that I've set the frequency too high to display and now the screen is blank."

"Oh, I've had that happen before. It's real simple just -"

_Flash!_

... Orochimaru was left siting in the dark, every electrical applaince in the entire building dead. His eye twiching again, he pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it, a lopsided smile on his face.

* * *

Kabuto pulled out a small match box he'd been carrying and lit a small candle. Thunder rumbled above them, as if to claim the source of power failure. 

' I knew this would happen, ' he thought, ' I wonder how Orochimaru-sama is fairing with his problem.

It was then that a scream erupted throughout the halls, including a few banging noises, tell tale signs that signaled they would be needing both a new monitor and phone soon.Kabuto sighed and shook his head at the continous yelling.

Sometimes working for the old sannin just wasn't worth it.

* * *

-Owari- 


End file.
